Silence Heard

What if we heard...

What is hidden inside reinforced walls
The lingering potential that silently calls
What if we heard the words that allow us to fall?

The words that desperately need and unabashedly desire

The words that fear the flames of our own fires

What if we heard the I love you's that shiver behind hello

And the I miss you's that cry from beneath the pillow

What if we heard the sounds that explain the unknown

What if we heard the words that tell us not to go?

The words that exist clearly in peaceful dreams

But never come out quite as loud or as clean

What if we heard the mumbles of a broken heart

Or the muffled sentences of a new start

The words that are whispered below fearful breaths

What if we heard the words that die muted deaths?

What if those words rested on our lips and not in our heads?

Whispers

In the dark, we knew it couldn't last

But there was something in the shadows we cast

And the whispers we heard

They told me, "Hold on until it's over"

So I dressed myself for a long, long fall

Then let go gracefully to leap from my walls

In the light, we saw things we could be

But something in shadows slowly creeped

And the whispers we heard

They told you, "Let go, before it's over"

So you looked to see how far I fell

And became overwhelmed by a storm of guilt

When we realized I landed by myself

In the remnants of everything I felt

The shadows whispered to you and they whispered to me

And in the same sentence, we heard the words differently

Unready

"I'm not ready to let go"

Of your hands, of your grip

Of your kiss on my lips

Of long silences and small talks

Of winter rides,

And summer walks

I'm not ready to let go

Of loving you

.

.

.

"I'm not ready to let go"

Of my past,

Of a belief that good doesn't last

Of the shadows I've cast

On the walls that I've built

Of walking on stilts

I'm not ready to let go

Enough to love you

Once in an Orange Moon

Once in an orange moon

I was taken from my dreams

Down tree-full roads we flew

To follow a whispering gleam

We drove to an open field

To see its beauty loom

A vision I could feel

An end that came too soon

Once in an orange moon

I was innocent and free

Until swallowed by the truth

When childhood went to sleep

It's Like

Wings catching for the first time

Seeing the world through closed eyes

Immersed in a spacious sky

Knowing there will be good-bye

And falling anyway, unafraid to die.

Flash

A face in a frame lets the photo lie


Laughter echoes from the glass


A kiss on the cheek, a blink of an eye


All caught in the blinding flash


That left without saying good-bye

Long Enough

And the moon stayed up long enough

To watch the morning sun rise

Only to face the inevitable good-bye



A weeping glow in the night

Guarded lonely hours of twilight

Tricked by the light of the stars

The moon was covered with open scars

Each engraved more of the story

Of leaving, of loving, of
f
a
l
l
i
n
g ...slowly

A carved out tale told by the sky

Of the idea of a love that went awry

Which faded at night and rose in the morning

When the moon stayed up long enough

To watch the blinding rays shine

Then turned to face the inevitable good-bye.

Apology for Rain

The way a flower apologizes for the rain
With the colors of washed away pain
While I sit here with words refrained

The way the ocean recedes without the shore
A constant reminder that you can't love me more
Than you did yesterday or the day before

The way your eyes and hands consume me
Without words, the kiss that happened unexpectedly
Are the reasons I can't let go gracefully

Again

The weight of the heavy air pushes down
On the drooping shoulders
Of a damp northeastern town.
And whispers of a place that’s cursed,
Pierce the ears of all that felt and heard
The blow of one more tragedy to be immersed
In a sea of goodbyes that seems to always return.

I wrote the above poem earlier this year. I can't seem to find new words to express what I'm feeling as I sit here and write after more dark news emanates from my small hometown. Helplessness has invaded my mind again. But I feel numb. Last night, I looked at my phone to find a text message beginning with, "Kendra, I have bad news..." and I couldn't figure out whether to roll my eyes or let my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach before I read the rest of the message. Stories like this have become an unsurprising shock. It's shocking that they continue to be told, to be felt, to be experienced by the loved ones of all who leave us... but there is never much time that passes between these morose endings. I'm flying to Maine tonight where I will stand with everyone else beneath the heavy clouds that have once again rolled in. I am not sure what to think or feel as I make this trip home. I feel like I can best serve myself and those around me by being grateful for the amazing network of people I am lucky enough to have on the other end of the phone or computer, across my back yard, across the country, down the street, down the hall... I'm not sure I can accurately convey to these people my genuine appreciation for their existence and for their impact on my life.

Bend

Love and learn
And love again
Learn and then
It's love for sure
Until it's not
And you are lost
Searching again
To find where you break
And how far you bend