Friday, January 8, 2016

You're Welcome?

I'm not your sleeping pill or your shot of vodka
And I am certainly not your mother.

I finally threw your shirt away - after years
Only to discover your voice in my ear 
Shirt is gone. I thought. And I turned without a tear. 
That was it. I thought. The last letting go.
So I wiped my hands clean.
Then my phone rang from a number I didn't know.
You acted as though you were never gone.
How bold, you are selfish - but this you know.

But I did excitedly say, hello.
Then you appeared at my door
Because I left it wide open.
Now you seem to think you are welcome.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Dear Unavailable,

When I said "You're hot"
It turns out I meant cold
I can't tell what you are -
Or what you're not
And it's really getting old.

Sincerely,
Letting Go

Friday, May 1, 2015

Right now

Just for right now
When I'm weak and alone
Come to my side
And pretend you've not gone

Just for tonight
Hold on like I never left
And while I'm in your sight
Let me believe one more time
We will see morning light

Just for right now
When I'm weak and alone
Look at me when we say good-bye
So that I can finally let you go.

Monday, March 30, 2015

No Poetry

There's this poetry inside me,
Words spinning around,

All this truth looking for a way out
Past the walls I've built -
- from everything we've lied about
From a foundation of fear and doubt

So my pen lies still, the paper is clear
But my mind is not

Because I'm afraid of what's in here
What has been lurking and how much?
What lies have been told, for how long?
Frankly, who have these lies fucked?

There's only so long I can stay
There's only so much I can take

Before this poetry ruptures this page.


Friday, March 27, 2015

Just Ask


When I was a small girl, I sat in my grandmother’s yard with watermelon juice dripping down my chin. Once the juicy pink triangle disappeared, I examined the white colored piece of the rind and took a bite. I worried it might not be good for me, but Mum said it was okay. I continued taking bites until the white section was gone. And even though the rind was bitter, I settled for it with the hope of staying connected to the bright sweetness of the watermelon’s pink flesh.

Dear Small Girl, 

     Please, please just ask your mom for a new slice. 

With Love, 
Lessons Learned.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Depression

She whispers in your ear that it's okay
That sinking back down is fine
The discomfort becomes a marinade
To soak in, to simmer, to lie
She wraps you in a cold blanket
Chills you until your body aches
Chills you to the point you think - 
Won't it be nice for a minute?
To bathe in warm tears and call it an illness?


Saturday, November 1, 2014

Unresting Ghosts

Lurking un-sublty,
Whispering untruths,
Revealing evil,
Only I can refuse;
Screeching memory
Breathes ghastly things
From closets of the past
That fling noisily open.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Either Way, I'm Here

For Kaden

Let me hold your hand, and I will hold it tightly
Until a looser grip suits your stability
And when your palm aches to feel the breeze of independence,
And your soles of your feet wish to walk unassisted,
I will stand beside you so that we both feel the wind on our faces
But if the wind blows too hard, my shoulder is there
We can sway together with the wind in our hair -
Until it becomes time again to step forward
I want to help you find what you're looking for
Let me walk near you so that even in your solitude,
You can derive comfort from the things I wish for you.



Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Bottom of the Glass

There's a care-free - care-less? side of me that pours the wine
And toasts to you - to us. We are happy. But there is also a side -
- an exposed nerve that is struck with each can's opening crack
Burdened memory begs, "Are things as good as they seem?"
I hastily gulp my wine to drown the doubt. I say I'm fine. 
We? are? fine? Logical Thinking looks for a way out, 
Edges of the lies stab from the inside-out
My breath reeks heavily of doubt
Another glass tells me it's okay
The pain pretends to go away
But 
my 
memory 
can't help 
but maintain
every reminder from a sopping wet past.
There is no way out from the bottom of the glass.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Warning Label

She draws you in.
You feel her first bite.

It stings at first,
But there's barely a fight,
Because then comes the rush,
The numbness makes it alright.
She fills up the emptiness,
Warms blood that turned cold,
Then she promises to stay 
Says you two will grow old.

In rare moments of clarity,
You know it's a trap
But she fills up your cup
And she rubs your back. 

She puts on a mask, a friendly decoy
That distracts you with laughter,
And provides a fake sense of joy.

Then the head aches begin,
And your stomach won't heal
Until you've forgotten what it's like -
- to feel pain. to feel well. to feel. 

She's a silent fluid predator
Slipping down your throat
And unless you catch her,
She'll completely take you out.