Monday, June 20, 2016

Winter Coat

Today I opened a box of winter coats
And although it's almost unbearably hot
I put the plaid one on
I thought about giving it away
As I stare a strange hot summer in the face
But I can't quite turn that page
It's been only two months 
Since I stood beneath slow falling snow
And I'm just not ready to let go.


Friday, June 10, 2016

Phantom Limb

Sometimes 
I am surprised when
I catch my thumb searching
For someone else's wedding ring.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Also

Rolling green travels farther than I can see
The truck is pulling my life forward quickly 
With all the things I thought I would need 
I am finding what I need is behind me
But what I need is in front of me too
Because I must keep moving
But what I also need is you.


Written as I travel through Texas toward my new home.

Friday, January 8, 2016

You're Welcome?

I'm not your sleeping pill or your shot of vodka
And I am certainly not your mother.

I finally threw your shirt away - after years
Only to discover your voice in my ear 
Shirt is gone. I thought. And I turned without a tear. 
That was it. I thought. The last letting go.
So I wiped my hands clean.
Then my phone rang from a number I didn't know.
You acted as though you were never gone.
How bold, you are selfish - but this you know.

But I did excitedly say, hello.
Then you appeared at my door
Because I left it wide open.
Now you seem to think you are welcome.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Dear Unavailable,

When I said "You're hot"
It turns out I meant cold
I can't tell what you are -
Or what you're not
And it's really getting old.

Sincerely,
Letting Go

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Be Careful What You Wish For

7.23.2015

Biopsy.
Polyps.
History.
Cancer.
Waiting.

I'm writing these words because I need to
Before the results come, before I know
Because my abdomen has been a war zone
And I'm not sure if I can take any more
Not without knowing what I'm fighting.
Part of me wants to hear, "It isn't anything"
But I need an answer, I want an answer
What if it's nothing? What if it's cancer?
I need validation for all of this pain.

I've never been careful with what I wish for
Always screaming what I want when I want it
What if my body heard me crying out
And gave me something to complain about?



Friday, May 1, 2015

Right now

Just for right now
When I'm weak and alone
Come to my side
And pretend you've not gone

Just for tonight
Hold on like I never left
And while I'm in your sight
Let me believe one more time
We will see morning light

Just for right now
When I'm weak and alone
Look at me when we say good-bye
So that I can finally let you go.

Monday, March 30, 2015

No Poetry

There's this poetry inside me,
Words spinning around,

All this truth looking for a way out
Past the walls I've built -
- from everything we've lied about
From a foundation of fear and doubt

So my pen lies still, the paper is clear
But my mind is not

Because I'm afraid of what's in here
What has been lurking and how much?
What lies have been told, for how long?
Frankly, who have these lies fucked?

There's only so long I can stay
There's only so much I can take

Before this poetry ruptures this page.


Friday, March 27, 2015

Just Ask


When I was a small girl, I sat in my grandmother’s yard with watermelon juice dripping down my chin. Once the juicy pink triangle disappeared, I examined the white colored piece of the rind and took a bite. I worried it might not be good for me, but Mum said it was okay. I continued taking bites until the white section was gone. And even though the rind was bitter, I settled for it with the hope of staying connected to the bright sweetness of the watermelon’s pink flesh.

Dear Small Girl, 

     Please, please just ask your mom for a new slice. 

With Love, 
Lessons Learned.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Depression

She whispers in your ear that it's okay
That sinking back down is fine
The discomfort becomes a marinade
To soak in, to simmer, to lie
She wraps you in a cold blanket
Chills you until your body aches
Chills you to the point you think - 
Won't it be nice for a minute?
To bathe in warm tears and call it an illness?