Monday, December 10, 2012

Independent.

My independence grounds me

 - most of the time. 
It is the base from which I operate,
from which I endure the fleeting qualities of - 
 - well, everything. 
It pushes me forward
It lay below me when I fall. 

But sometimes, 

My independence leaves me

It leaves me cold and alone and silent.
Alone to face the darkness.
And I'm here feeling my way through -
While the ghost of independence just lurks.




Monday, November 5, 2012

Facing Backward

Sinking eyes.
Serious mouths.
Sad shoulders.

Long faces hold yesterday's gaze
Eyes turn inward
Minds travel backward


Though the train pulls forward

The morning hangs on, 
The night won't let go.
There is a small child clinging

To all of us. 


Monday, October 15, 2012

Left Isn't Right

Now that you've left
I am compelled to admit
I wish you didn't
I wish we didn't -
I don't know -
Something different

Because...

Now that you are left

I just don't feel right.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Somehow, It Has Been Years

I miss you so much I can feel it in my bones.
I swear my hand is still gripping yours,
Like a phantom limb
And when I look down,
My heart silently breaks all over again.
As I write these words, it twists and swells.





I don't know if this will end.
Because I can't let go of your hand.






















Sunday, July 8, 2012

Face and Fall

"I don't like where I am in my life"
One word slurred into another
"Too much pain and too much strife"
Unaware of all who love her
"Don't tell me tomorrow what I've said"
When the afterthought turned to beg 
"I don't want to face what I've become"
Blurred memory of where she came from
"Maybe I should... maybe I should face it"
Then her own advice quickly dissipated
"But I can't do it - I shouldn't have called"
And the voice disappeared into her nightly fall.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Crush

If I could stand within the rays he emits long enough
Maybe I'd be comforted enough to say this:


Your face is a calm autumn day in the middle of summer
And your smile has rays that send my head over -
- and under, and through - sweet dreams in slumber
I dreamt your arms to be a warm, nestling blanket
So I hold on to the moments with our brief embraces
And I hold in the words of my impatient feelings
They bang loudly against the walls of my imagination
"I was just wondering, are you seeing anyone?"
Such a simple question! I can't bring myself to ask
As though the answer would remove the mask
Is it a facade I've held on to that there is a chance?

I wonder if I'm happiest with my imagination's glance.






Friday, May 25, 2012

A Dangerous Tactic


In the war of prose vs revision:

The tactics of poetry are unsafe
The way it draws out thoughts
Not even the mouth can articulate

Because logic distorts truth
(When emotions are involved)

Because emotions distort you
(When logic is involved)

Logic knows,
We are to have a strong exterior
Cool, collected ducks above water
In order to race toward success
We must not let our hearts digress
(from our brains)

But when poetry is involved
Digress! As far from reason as possible
Remove the logically clouded goggles

No, argues logic, the cloud is emotion
And you must not be conquered
By a muscle your blood pumps from

But the heart can feel and hear and see
In prose, it's a thing to be treated tenderly -
And when the cold tactics of logic break in:
Common sense meets pain and becomes poetry.


Thursday, March 22, 2012

Anticipation

I'm afraid. I'm anticipating. I'm hoping. I'm wondering.

What I will find...

Afraid that once your skin touches mine,
None other will suffice
Anticipating the brush of your hand,
Imagining how it will end
Hoping for what seems impossible,
Wondering if I'll ever mend
From the wishes for our souls to meet
While I sit here and irrationally dream.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Blue Mondays

Another Monday, you're feeling blue
An unexplained headache
You just don't feel like you.

Another Monday, I'm missing you
An unsurprising heartache
I wish I didn't love you.

Another Monday, recovering from booze
A story for my sake?
I don't want your excuse.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Close Encounters are Unkind

I heard you whisper my name
I turned and you weren't there.

It slips.
Every time.
Where you are.

Someone always tells me.
They must not know
What it's like to feel your glow
Then stand outside of it, cold.
They must not know
What it's like to fall apart
When I hear that you're close.
I imagine your laugh
And I can't help but cry,
Because these close encounters
Are so very unkind.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Paris in the Nighttime

He hung Paris on the wall, as though to explain:
That's where we fall, somewhere far away,
That's where we love, behind the scenes.
That's what he does and then he leaves.

I study the tower at abrupt mornings' ends
Out of the shower and we're back to friends
All intimacy is gone, I stare at the painted lights
I long for our seemingly imagined nights.

He hung Paris on the wall, as though to say:
Please don't fall, but don't go too far away.
Listen for my call, and we'll escape the day,
And crawl again through the cracks of this place.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Breakdown Waiting

I'm waiting for the breakdown
By blatantly avoiding it
My thoughts are foreshadows
"He's nice. I don't trust him, though."
It is nausea over a date at his house
Nausea over drooling, needy men
I am waiting to unabashedly scream
"What the hell do you want from me?!"
Instead I whisper tears that won't fall
And I try to run from a painful crawl.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Realizing Quiet

I am thinking of all the times I have carelessly walked through a door with the noise of my day buzzing around me; loudly throwing keys to the table, dropping bags to the floor as I begin out loud thoughts that end with other tangents; Times I have walked past a loved one without eye contact or touch...

I'm so hungry,

I'm so tired,

I'm so frustrated,

I'm not one to judge, but you understand right?
I'm so ready for bed, I'm excited to meet with friends,
Oh by the way, what was your day like?

Now I'm thinking of how I couldn't know
Of the noise tires make as they slosh through snow
Abruptly stopping in the drive before they even slow
An innocent intruder who brushes in with the cold
Loud breaths to overtake the quiet you came to know
The clashing of keys dropped heavily on the table
All of this interrupts the immersion of you in the pages
Pages that took you from the noise, the fear
From the seeds you you've not begun to sow
The safety of thoughts only you can hear
Of yourself as you, open and hopeful
Of yourself unaborted, with a kiss to leave you vulnerable
A hope that someday, you will feel
A comforting break from your own heavy silence
A welcoming warmth when Good Intention opens the door
Confidence that the other side of the bed won't be empty anymore.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Noise

I am hearing noises I didn't hear before.
The sink drips incessantly
Tap-Tapping to remind me
Of things that don't exist anymore

The sound that water makes
In pipes that surround an empty place
Traveling through the house bones
Spelling out clearly the word ALONE

The stairs whisper and creak
The wind blows impatiently
These are the haunting sounds
Of nothing, of everything