Moment of Truth (is a lie)

But truth is funny -
- in that non humorous way
Because it exists only for a minute or two
In the moments we hopelessly sway
When whispered lies are made to benefit you

Truth is dressed up in costume
So much that you stubbornly argue
That love was there and might be still
So you tap your fingers on the empty sill

And you reply in your head
To concerned inquiries of friends
That they don't know him like you do
That his hands and eyes told truth

Making it so nothing else needed to.

Fan

I felt like her biggest fan
(and closest friend)
I felt like I could tell her anything
(And I did. tell her. everything)

And now I can't find the meaning

Behind a tear that keeps on tearing

With such an abrupt ending
To a phase I thought would last
I've hardly processed the sting
To the things that are now our past.

Don't I?

Because we were a team

Like Bonnie and Clyde

Or June and Johnny

Weren't we?

Because you saw me

Through mine and in your eyes

 Intermingled in your life

Didn't you?

Because we

Held on desperately tight

 Through greatness and strife

Didn't we?

Because you - 

Loved me,

Right?

Didn't you?

It's impossible.

Seemingly illogical.

To let you go.

Because I love you,

Don't I?

Space Before Goodbye

There is a space before goodbye.

She led with, "It's your fault"

Then nothing until: "See ya later"

The fact that now he's gone

Rests heavy on my shoulders

Unfiltered blame was spoken

Truth or lie, it can't be unbroken
Words were painfully embedded

The statement cannot be unstated

The possibility of repair

Hangs in a delicate balance

Silent minds are unaware

Of apologies transpired since

All in the space before goodbye.

Symmetry

I used to see 

My face in your eyes

A reflection that reflects the guise

Things you told me, but mostly yourself

A focus on things you'd feel better about

 Words with bounds: "Maybe I could love you..."

Although you vaguely knew the truth

That love couldn't be and wasn't there

No matter how hard or how unfair -

 - it was to leave me unaware

Of how frustrating it felt

To be let down

By yourself

Now I see

My face through his eyes

A reflection to explain the guise

Of a love unexisting within myself

A wish for something to feel deeply about

Words unfound: "...but I do really love you."

Although not in a way that reaches true

Because  it  can't grow if it's not there

And  he  has to be somewhat aware

Of the repeating of this short tale 

( - quite difficult to tell)

As he falls in and -
and me down

By myself

Apologies

I heard "I'm sorry."

But it doesn't change a thing
About what was said or how I'm feeling
It doesn't help me miss you less
It doesn't clean up any mess
Broken pieces, meaningless sex
A mess of perpetuating unhappiness
I wish you weren't sorry at all
Had you left uncaring and wordless,
Maybe I could've broken my own fall
But here I am, with echoes of "I'm sorry -
- I'll be there if you need anything at all."
Your apology left me burdened with hope;

And hope is not a happy thought
When all it does is break my heart.

July Remembers

It sits dry in the bottom of my glass

An empty memory of an empty past

July remembers the taste and the heat

Perfectly bitter and equally sweet

A sip of wine and then another

Minutes embraced by a moment of summer

A fragment of night when love spilled easily

July remembers the way he looked at me

And how "I love you" poured like wine

Without a breath, nor a responsive sigh

He looked at me with wide open eyes

And I heard my heart beat wildly inside

July remembers his hands and his silence

And knows why even his breath was quiet

A bottle from the vineyard, California 2007

I thought it would see us through 2011

Still it sits in the cabinet, silent and red

July knows about things unopened, unsaid

July remembers what passed fleetingly by

But will not remind me of how or why

So the very bottom of my glass is dry

As I search for a way to say good-bye.

{Summer 2009}

Can't Write You A Poem

There's a poem sitting in my head
But I don't know how to write it
There are out-loud words that I have said
But they don't quite do it justice

For the comfort you've wrapped around me
And the reprieve you've provided selflessly
For all the gifts you've graciously given me
There just aren't words that come out gracefully

There's a poem sitting in my head
With words of love and appreciation
Words that are better felt than said
In a poem that remains unwritten.

Mess

I screamed it loud
"Clean up after yourself!"
Hoping they would hear
With desperation in my tone:
"I can't be any more clear!"
I don't want to do this alone


When it boils down
To this messy house
I swear -
- I could run out of here.

(Inspired by the style of Shel Silverstein)

...by Moon

Dimly glowing in a morning sky

As though time will never leave its side

The sun uprising from freezing sleep

Chases the moon away with radiant heat

In a moment when you could almost hear

Brilliantly, not one ounce of fear

A whisper of hello that turns to good-bye

 A truth is shown that sometimes seems a lie:

(When the sky so elogquently portrays)

That everything will be okay.